I was sitting on my bed, crying my eyes out. I felt like a failure.
I’d turn 35 in a month and what did I have to show for it?
I had left home two years earlier, full of hopes and dreams. I’d become a successful freelance writer, rent my own 2 bedroom flat in the heart of Kensington and travel the world with my boyfriend. At some point, we’d get married and have a baby.
The dream had turned into a nightmare.
I was making a decent living from freelance writing but I was hating every second of it. I thought the job would give me the opportunity to inspire others and change lives. Instead, I was promoting products to get people to buy what they didn’t need.
I wanted to quit. But my earnings would take a big hit. I was finally making enough to rent a small one bedroom flat in the roughest part of Kensington.
Quitting meant looking for another room in another flatshare. Postponing the dream of having a baby for a couple more years. No money for travelling.
All my friends were getting married. Having babies. Buying their own homes.
I was back to square one.
That morning, something in me snapped. I had tried to hold it together, but the dams broke and my tears came flooding down. Huge big sobs tore through my body. I clung desperately to my boyfriend, afraid to let him go.
Adam rocked me back and forth, whispering “you’re not a failure” into my ear over and over again.
I don’t know if I believed him. But once the tears stopped, I felt better. They had washed away my doubts and insecurities. I could see things clearly now.I was exactly where I needed to be.
Looking back, every time I’ve felt stuck in a bad place, an unfulfilled job or a relationship that had run its course, it was because I needed to be there.Going through the bad times, experiencing growing pains, making mistakes and falling flats on your face - that's how you land your dream job, find your soulmate and achieve your goals.
I had to go through years of severe depression to realise that my calling was inspiring people to live the lives they were meant to live so they would never find themselves in that dark, hopeless hole.
I had to lose everything – job, friends, boyfriend – to find the courage to leave my whole life behind and start anew.
I had to get involved in some unhealthy relationships in my first months in London to realise what I truly wanted in a man (A. is the complete opposite of the man I thought I’d end up with and yet I’ve never been happier).
If you look back at your life, you’ll notice the same pattern.Every bad thing you went through, every obstacle in your way, every struggle you've overcome has made you into the person you are today. It taught you an important lesson. It helped you achieve a goal. It served a purpose.
Was getting stuck in the wrong career for a long while really a bad thing if it made you realise what you want and don’t want from a job, pushing you in the right direction? Would you have fallen into the right path without it? Probably not.
The same is true for your relationships. Your health. Your spiritual journey.
And so, where you are is exactly where you need to be.
Even if you hate where you are.
Even if you feel stuck and unhappy.
Even if you’re in a really bad place.
I’m not saying you have to be there forever. If you’re so unhappy, you have to find a way out of where you are now to where you want to be.
But you need to believe that where you are now is serving a purpose. You need to understand you’re in that crappy place because you need to learn a lesson that’ll help you move forward, towards the directions of your dreams.
You don’t need to figure it out right now. In fact, trying to figure the lesson out right now will probably drive you nuts.
What you need to do is realise that the universe has your back. It’s sending you a challenge to help you grow. Accept it, understand you won't stay in this bad place forever and keep moving forward, one little step at a time. [clickToTweet tweet=”Where you are is where you need to be to go in the direction of your dreams.” quote=”Where you are is where you need to be to go in the direction of your dreams.”]
I’m about to fire some of my clients. I moved to another flatshare. I won’t be getting married anytime soon.
I don’t like it. But, I’m ok with that now.
I know it’s the Universe’s way of telling me to cut out the distractions and get to work. I’ve got books to write. People to inspire. Lives to change.
Where I am now – living in a small flatshare in a quiet area of London, focusing on my work instead than my clients’, without children to take care of – is where I need to be to get started on my new journey.
I can’t wait to see where it’ll take me.
Over to you, now. Did you ever feel like life has left you behind only to realise that where you were was exactly where you needed to be? Share your experience in the comments below.