I called her ugly. I told her she was a failure. I sneered at her mistakes. Pushed her back down when she was trying to get back up.
I did all this, and much worse, to her. To me.
If I had dared bully another girl like I bullied myself, my parents would have grounded me, or worse. My teachers would have reported me to the headmaster. My friends… well, I don’t think I would have had any. Who would have wanted to hang out with someone like that?
Yet, bullying yourself is acceptable. We all do it. It’s normal, isn’t it?
But it’s destroying your self-esteem. It keeps you playing small. It ruins every relationship you have. It sucks all the joy out of your life.
Bullying yourself isn’t working. Why not try to be kind to yourself, instead?
Life will be a lot easier and way more fun when you’re your own BFF. To help you make the magic happen, here are my 5 fave ways to be kinder to yourself:
1. Talk Kindly To Yourself
“Great, I’ve just burned dinner again. I’m such a loser. I never do anything right!”
“You look amazing in that dress, Jane. I’d wish I could wear it, too, but I’d look like a whale in it.”
If your BFF said anything like that, you’d quickly reassure her:
“Don’t be silly! You just got distracted. It happens to everyone. Here, let’s see what else we can cook up for dinner.”
“That’s not true. You just have a different dress style.”
It doesn’t matter if this self-talk is going on in your head or you’re joking with a friend. Whenever you catch yourself saying mean things to yourself or about yourself, stop and ask yourself, “Would I say this to or about my BFF?”
If the answer is no, what would you say instead? That’s how you should talk yourself, both in and outside your head.
2. Forgive Yourself
We all mess up sometimes.
Maybe you’re ashamed you weren’t there for a friend when she needed you. Or you feel guilty for comfort eating. Or you regret missing out on a great job opportunity because you were too scared.
Beating yourself up about it won’t do you any good. Forgive yourself and vow to do better next time.
3. Take Good Care Of Yourself
When did life become so hectic?
These days, you’re lucky if you can get six hours of sleep a night. Lunch is usually a sandwich grabbed somewhere along the way. Exercise a luxury.
No wonder you’re always so tired, stressed and irritable. You can’t keep overworking yourself or you’ll get burned out. It’s not healthy. If your BFF or partner were doing the same, you’d be the first to tell them to stop and take it easy. So, take your own advice.
Get enough sleep. Meditate. Exercise. Eat your veggies. Put on a nice dress. Treat yourself to a hot bubble bath or a bunch of flowers.
Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s a form of self-love.
Need more self-care ideas? Sign up below to receive the “Self-Love Buffet” worksheet. It has 30+ ideas to help you sprinkle even more self-care + love into your day.
4. Don’t Compare Yourself To Others
So, your BFF is getting married and you’re still single.
Your high school friend is making millions with her business while your just-started new venture is barely allowing you to pay the bills.
And when you sweep through Instagram, it’s obvious everyone has a better body, a cleaner house and more designer bags than you.
Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. Or your real life to someone’s photoshopped version of theirs.
You don’t know what’s really going on in their lives. You don’t know what your high school friend had to sacrifice to make her business a success. You don’t get to see the mess the house was in before someone cleaned it up to take a nice shot.
Stop focusing on what other people are doing. Focus on yourself and your dreams. You’ll get there in your own time.
5. Acknowledge Your Achievements
We’re so quick to put ourselves down for the tiniest mistake. But when we achieve something, we don’t take any notice of it.
What if we did the opposite?
Got a promotion at work? Well done, girl!
Can you now watch a movie in French and understand every word? You rock!
Did you just make the best apple pie of your life? You go, girl!
Whenever you do something you’re proud of, pat yourself on the back and give yourself a compliment: “Kudos to me!”
Over to you, now. What could do you today to be kinder to yourself?