When I first moved to London, I had a goal: make a living writing.
Books don’t pay the rent, so I dove straight into the freelance writing world. I was sure it was my dream job: I had the freedom to write for both magazines and businesses alike, attend glamorous events I’d then cover for my clients and make a ton of money to boot.
Within three months, I had my first paying client. Six months later, I was already making a steady income. Fast forward a year, I managed to triple my income. I finally had the money to move to a better area, eat more organic food and treat my mum when she came to visit.
I was miserable.
I had achieved everything I wanted much faster than I thought I would and I was hating every single minute of it. I felt myself slipping back into depression, that trusted companion that had been with me for most of my life.
At first, I thought I just needed a new goal. Isn’t that why high-achievers move onto the next thing as soon as they’ve accomplished a goal? The taste of success soon turns into lack of direction and all the inner turmoil that brings if not immediately channelled into a brand new endeavour.
So, I made a new goal. But the depressive mood didn’t lift.
My Old Goal-Setting Approach
Like most people, I’d plan my life based on what I wanted to accomplish:
- Have a job that allowed me to pursue my passion and make lots of money
- Live in my own flat in Notting Hill (one of the most expensive areas in London, if not the world)
- Travel the world comfortably (I’m so not a B&B kinda gal)
- Get married and have a child by 35 (that would be this August – so not gonna happen)
Nothing wrong with any of these, if that’s what you want. But, is it?
I’m not saying that positive feelings can’t exist in pursuit of material goals or within conventional environments. I’m saying that, far too often, epidemically often, we go for the external win at the cost of our internal wellness. And that’s because we don’t value inner attunement as much as we value outer attainment. – Danielle LaPorte
This hit me like a slap in the face. I realised that I wanted lots of things for all the wrong reasons.
For example, I still want to get married one day, but I thought I needed to do it by 35 so I wouldn’t end up on the spinster shelf.
I still want a career that allows me to pursue my calling and make a lot of money in the process, but I was so focused on getting all the external trappings of success, such as a flat in a posh area or holidays in exotic locations, to impress others that I forgot the real reason why I write: to inspire women to break though their self-limiting beliefs and live the life they’ve always wanted.
The writing assignments I was getting had nothing to do with empowering women. They were all about pushing that outrageously expensive moisturizer or promoting that new fashion designer. No wonder I was feeling depressed. My soul was giving me a clear sign that I had gone completely off track!
If you have to step outside of yourself, away from your values and Soul, to get your needs met, then you’re not really going to get your needs met. – Danielle LaPorte
A New Way To Plan Your Life
You’re not chasing the goal itself – you’re chasing the feelings that you hope attaining those goals will give you. – Danielle LaPorte
Danielle believes that everything we do is driven by a desire to feel a certain way. By getting clear on how you want to feel, you can pursue what really matters to you and live a life of both purpose and enjoyment.
When I put it this way, I realised I had ended up down the wrong career path because I was driven by a desire for external validation. I was chasing what society thought I should to get its approval.
It was time to figure out what my soul really desired, without judgement or shame. But, how to do that?
That’s when I turned to the second part of the book. It’s full of worksheets and exercises to help you figure out your Core Desire Feelings and plan a life that’s guided by them. Mine are:
I want to make a difference in the world. By doing something I’m so passionate about, I can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning. In a way that respects my femininity and doesn’t drive me into masculine energy territory.
That’s why I’ve created this website. It’s the first step towards my new life. It feels joyful.
Ready To Discover Your Core Desire Feelings?
I’ve always been an avid reader, but very few books have deeply touched me and changed my life. The Desire Map is one of those books.
Calling it a book isn’t entirely accurate. The Desire Map is a tool that helps you get the clarity you need to create the life you’ve always wanted. A life that’s joyful, meaningful and surpasses all your wildest dreams.
Will you use it?
Over to you, now. Have you read The Desire Map? If so, how did it change your life? Leave a comment and let me know.