3 WAYS TO TAME YOUR INNER CONTROL FREAK

Hello! I’m Giorgia, and I’m a control freak.

I have this obsessive need to plan every minute of every day to avoid unpleasant surprises and maximize efficiency. When life throws me a curveball that ruins my perfectly laid-out plans, I go into panic mode.

I like to be in charge of everything. When I ask someone to help me with something, they never do it how I would have done it. And so, I have to do it again. My way, this time.

My inner control freak also has this crazy need to “help” others. If I can show them the best way to do something, they’d be happy and grateful. Except, they never are. Turns out, people don’t like to be told what to do.

After a lot of soul-searching, I realised my inner control freak was born out of fear of loneliness. If I could control every little detail of my life (including other people’s reactions), I could achieve perfection. If I were perfect, then everyone would love me. I would never be alone again.

It never worked. My inner control freak wasn’t helpful. She was annoying and bossy. She wanted to rule my life and everyone else’s. She didn’t care about people’s opinions and feelings. She just wanted to have her own way.

It took me a long time to realise how destructive this behaviour is. I still believe in making plans, but now I allow room for flexibility. I still offer advice, but only when asked. I still ask for help but I don’t dictate how it should be given anymore.

I’d lie if I said it’s easy. My inner control freak still rears her ugly head sometimes but now I know how to reassure her that things will be alright – even if she’s not in control. Here are the three steps I took (and still take) to tame my inner control freak:

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1. ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

The first step to solve a problem is admitting you have one. Clichè, but true.

Easier said than done, especially if your obsessive need for control is tied to your perfectionism. Your ego gets in the way.

“Just because I know the best way to do something doesn’t mean I’m a control freak”, it says. “Wanting something done right is not a bad thing,” it argues.

No, there’s nothing bad in wanting something done right. Until right because your way, and your way only, and you try to impose it on others, without taking into consideration their thoughts and opinions. That’s when you know you have a problem.

There' s something you can control in every situation. Focus on that and you'll overcome any struggles.Click To Tweet

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2. DIG DEEPER

Once you realise you have a problem, dig deeper. Ask yourself where your need to control every little detail of your life comes from.

In my case, it was from fear of loneliness. My need for control was an armour I wore to protect myself from pain. If I could control every little detail of my life, I’d be able to avoid nasty surprises and impress others for having it all together. If I could control other people’s reactions, I could make sure they’d like me.

Once you figure out why you’re doing something, you can come up with a healthier way to satisfy your need.

In my case, becoming a control freak didn’t attract others to me. It repelled them.  No one likes a Little Miss Perfect, especially when she’s trying to rule their lives. If I didn’t want people to leave me, I’d have to change my behaviour.

I had to let go of the need to control everything. I had to learn to go with the flow. Leave room for flexibility. Offer advice without expectations.

My relationships have never been better.

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3. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL

Focusing on what’s out of your control – like the weather, the past, other people’s behaviours – is a recipe for disaster. You’re giving all your power away. It’s stressful and sends you down a downward spiral of misery, depression and failure.

Instead, focus on the things you can control.

Like the food you eat.

The clothes you wear.

The books you read.

The effort you put in everything you do.

The way you react to situations.

I believe there is something you can control in every situation. When you focus on that, you have the power to overcome whatever struggle you're facing.

 

Over to you, now. What strategies do you use to let go of your need to control? Share them in the comments below.

With love,

Feeling Inspired? Read More:

Do you feel the need to control every detail of your life? Do you get into panic mode whenever life throws you a curve ball? Do you think only your way is the right way to do things? Then, you are a control freak. Click through for three easy ways to let go of the need of control that's ruining your life
Showing 2 comments
  • nikkita
    Reply

    Very inspiring messages! Last morning i watched a testimony about an achiever fresh colleges girl, her family were from either comlaude or magna comlaude…includibg her mom. She needs to won every contest. And in the the girl felt revelion w here heart.
    She thought she will be accepted if she achieved something, and she became a man pleaser and when she was alone she was felt nothing like a garbbage. Until she had many attemps of cutting herself. (Suicide attemp) coz ahe was moved other place where no one can recognized her even her families and friends didn’t know where she is. In short she want to seek something that she don’t know what it is..until her an old friends not seen before for longtime called her and invite in an called “God’s retreat” a Born Again Christian group where Jesus Christ name exalted, she was learned that Creator can control our lives if we allow him to control it, coz God gave us free will but he wants us to choose Him for our own good. And to obey Him, Obedience is better than Sacrifice ISammuel 15:22…..like appostle Paul said, ” i hate what bad things i’ve done, but instead i’m doing what i dont want to do (and that is wrong things) but why still he can do even he hate it? Romans 7:15-20, Coz being a human we have natural behavior inherit from Adam and Eve,..after these our ancestors we ingherited sins from them. But God is merciful and love the mankind , acc. To Bible Romans 6:23- the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is etternal life ( means once we received Jesus Christ in our lifes he will forgive all our sins , even our uncontrollable in us He can manage it if we will allow it, coz God did not force us but if we trust even every single details of our lives He is willing to tale charge of it . .just by faith jus talk Him even u did’n’t see Him , but He can seeing us wether we sleep, work even when times we were in.our mother’s womb. Even before the foundation of the earth Jesus saw us ,therefore His Sacrifice in the cross of calvary is still have power to save the sinners, whoever will accept Him as a PERSONAL SAVIOR,
    JOHN 3:16 FOR GD SO LVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON (JESUS) THAT WHOSOEVER BELIEVED IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH , BUT HAVE EVWRLAATING LIFE.

    Back to the girl, thru tje word of God she was realized that she dont need to be an achiever to be love w other people coz she was learned our Father in heaven love us either we are achiever or not . even unlikeable or not. God still looking us as His beautiful crearion , once we put controlled our lives unto Him we are like a things get from the dustpin and treat like a beautiful flower or treat like a star. And by and by he will pick us like a broken pieces until we turned into whole, like a new creation. Her name is Rainierva Solomon. I really cried a lot this mornibg when i watched her past experienced.. If God is not real how poor and misserable we are if we will not have God.

    Before even the color of the environment the weather affects my mood. I learned its a cold mild deppresion simptoms coz i felt sad if its bit cold and sun not very bright..buti’m not wonder why i’m not feel that way now..i enjoying now whaever weather it is esp. If Dec.month is coming coz i enjoy cold season. Alone or w other people i know God is w me and guiding me, He loves me.of who i am, i’m still i did get angry etc as a normal human being but at the end of the day still God giving grace to overcome the weaknesses. The Holy Spirit of God is within us. Anything dreams we have now into reality…all is awe them to God! The man will plan, but the Lord have the power to fullfill it. Proverbs 16:9

    • Giorgia Guazzarotti
      Reply

      Nikkita, what a sad story but I’m glad it has a happy ending and the girl found the peace she needed.

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