What if this is as good as it gets for me?
Sometimes, I think it’d be easier to give up, admit defeat, stop striving so hard to make my dreams come true.
Maybe they were right. Maybe my dream of becoming a writer is just that… a dream. A fantasy that will never turn into reality.
Their voices ring through my head as I get another rejection letter or eat a frozen pizza because it’s the end of the month and money is tight.
I’m so tired of eating frozen food every day. Tired of living in run-down flatshares with guys who can’t be bothered to clean the toilet and drink themselves stupid every night. Tired of being told I don’t have enough Instagram followers to get a book deal.
Every day feels like an uphill battle. I’m hustling 24/7 to make things happen but they’re not and now I’m getting scared. The rejections are piling up as my savings are dwindling. Staying on this path is risky.
Maybe they’re right. Maybe I should get a “proper job.” Work for the man in exchange for a secure paycheck every month instead of taking any writing gig that comes my way. They rarely do and the pay is so low, I can barely pay my rent.
Quitting is the sensible thing to do.
But I’ve never been a sensible girl.
Sensible girls don’t live their dreams. They just settle for a job that pays the bills, get stuck in relationships that have run their course.
Been there, done that. The pain was like nothing else I had experienced before. Because no matter how hard the hustle is or the sacrifices my dream demands of me, nothing’s as painful as dying a little every day, living a life that’s not my own, and wondering “what if?”
And so I hold out. I stay the course. I make it through another day.
Because I believe.
I believe I can make it.
I’ve done it before.
No one thought I would survive more than 6 months in London. Three years later, I’m still here, making a living writing, building a future with Mr Right, creating a life on our own terms.
So what if it’s harder than I thought it would be? Life isn’t a fairytale, all unicorns and rainbows. You have to pay your dues, do things you don’t like so you can eventually do the things you like.
And when the things you don’t like overwhelm you and you’re on the verge of quitting and do the sensible thing, remember this:
You. Got. This.
You’ve come this far. You’ll go farther still.
You just have to have faith. Believe in yourself. Trust it will all come true.
Because the truth is, you wouldn’t have that dream if you didn’t have what it takes to make it come true.
So hold out. Just a little longer. It’ll all be worth it in the end.
Over to you, now. What dream are you holding out for? Share yours in the comments below.