Do you ever feel like a fraud?
Or like you’re not good enough to write a book/start a business/pursue your wildest dreams?
I do. It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been writing, how far I went with my self-development work or how much experience I’ve accumulated in running a business. There’s always that little nagging voice in my head telling me it’s not enough. I’m not good enough.
My Inner Mean Girl is terrified that, one day, someone will expose me for the fraud she thinks I am. So, she’s using every trick in her arsenal to make me quit before that happens.
I’m sure you can relate. We all go through times when we feel we’re not good enough and just want to throw in the towel. Then, we spend the rest of our lives wondering, “what would have happened if I hadn’t given up on that dream?”.
I don’t want you to ever given up on your dreams.
Next time your Inner Mean Girl starts shouting her nonsense loud in your head, remember this:
1. YOUR INNER MEAN GIRL IS A LIAR
Your Inner Mean Girl is a total, rotten liar.
Every time she says you can’t do something, she’s lying.
Every time she says you aren’t good enough, she’s lying.
Every time she says you’re a total failure because you made a mistake, she’s lying.
How do I know? Because you have already accomplished so much more than you’re giving yourself credit for. And are capable of much more still.
Don’t believe me?
Make a list of everything you’ve accomplished so far. Did you learn a new language? Are you a good cook? Do you have a degree in something? Write it all down. When your Inner Mean Girl starts sprouting her “you’re not good enough nonsense, ” read the list again.
Your Inner Mean Girl has a short, selective memory. She remembers all your little mistakes but none of your proud achievements. Gently remind her of them.
You can do this, girl.
2. COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY
It’s so easy to think that other people have it better than you do.
“She’s already married with 2 kids and a dog and I’m still living alone with my cat.”
“She’s just got a promotion and I’m still in the position I was 5 years ago.”
“Her house is always immaculate and mine’s always a mess.”
It seems like everyone has it more together than you. It’s so easy to feel like such a failure in comparison.
Appearances can be deceiving. Yes, your friend may be married but how do you know she’s happy with her husband? Your colleague may have got the promotion you craved but, chances are, she had to sacrifice time with her family to get there. And maybe her house is immaculate because she quickly hid all her mess in a cupboard before your visit.
You don’t know what’s really going on in people’s lives or what sacrifices they had to make to get where they are.
It doesn’t matter, either.
Focus on your own life. Strive every day to be the best person you can be and do the best you can. You’ll get there in your own time.
3. FOCUS ON PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION
I have a nickname for my Inner Mean Girl: Littel Miss Perfect.
She wants me to get it 100% right the first time I try something new (but who can do that?). If I make even the tiniest mistake, she starts calling me a worthless loser. She urges me to give up now before I make a fool of myself in front of the whole world.
In the past, her insults would echo in mind. It was so paralysing, in the end, I stopped trying.
These days, I focus on progress, not perfection. I just put one foot in front of the other and try again and again until I succeed.
I realise now that mistakes are part of the game. You need to fail your way through what doesn't work to figure out what does.
When you see failure as a stepping stone to success, you can look back and see how far ahead in the process you already are. You’ve gone a long way, baby. Don’t stop now.You need to fail your way through what doesn't work to figure out what does.Click To Tweet
4. THERE IS MORE RIGHT THAN WRONG WITH YOU
- My big nose.
- My cellulite-ridden thighs.
- My lack of patience.
- My bad English accent.
- My poor photography skills.
I could go on and on.
For years, I only saw my flaws and failures.
I thought that if my face didn’t have the perfect proportions of a supermodel, I couldn’t be a blogger.
I believed that, if I couldn’t speak English with a London accent, I couldn’t do videos.
I thought that, if I didn’t have the photos worthy of a fashion magazine, no one would read a word I’d write.
While I was busy finding faults with myself and excuses for why I couldn’t do something, I completely ignored all my strengths, skills and talents. Like:
- My welcoming smile
- My kindness
- My writing skills
- My sense of humour
- My dogged perseverance
No one’s perfect. But you’re not as bad as you think you are. Quite the opposite, my friend. You’re an amazing human being with a unique combination of strengths, skills and talents. Can you image how powerful we could become if we focused on those for a change?
Make a list of all your strengths, talents and skills and stick it somewhere you will see it often. When your Inner Mean Girl tries to tell you you’re no good, show it to her. It’ll shut her right up.
5. YOU CAN’T HATE YOUR WAY INTO LOVING YOURSELF
We have it upside down.
We think we have to hate the way we look or we’ll never get off the couch and exercise.
We believe we have to think we’re the worst loser in the world or we won’t have the motivation to take that online course or change our jobs.
We choose hate as a road to love and happiness.
It doesn’t work that way, gorgeous. Hate has never solved anything. It just makes things worse. It either makes you feel so worthless, you see no point in trying anything new anymore, or motivates you to do all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons, like starving yourself to fit into a size 0 and take a job you hate to get more money.It's time to choose love over hate.
Only when you love yourself, you can reach your full potential. Here are 15 ways to get you started on your self-love journey now.
Over to you know, now. What do you remind yourself of when you think you’re not good enough? Share it in the comments below.